Has anyone seen my Zen state?

Happy Day everyone! I hope you are all doing well! I got up super early this morning for a Dr. appt. Something has been off with my estrogen levels and I wanted to determine the cause. No.such.luck Guess, I will just have to keep being a crazy lady until it goes away? My poor hubby and kiddos.

It wasnt hard to get up this morning because I was super excited about Vinyasa Yoga. After the Dr we had a little time to kill and the tot and I stopped off at Georgetown Market for a Tine Dream smoothie. This is my favorite one there chocked full of healthy fruits and spirulina protein. Oh and an explosive expresso vegan chocolate chip cookie may or may not have been purchased. And I may or may not have since found myself with a new addiction.

I got to Yoga, rolled my mat out and began to stretch. I quickly realized I didnt turn off my cell phone when its annoying ring went off. I grabbed the phone and jumped up, trying to answer with a whisper as I pushed past the door. It was my husband asking for the number on a cash card…his company “forgot” to pay him and his paycheck was $0.00. Yes, you read that right….not exactly the most relaxing way to start Yoga.

I answered his questions, shut off my phone and left it in the car. I returned to class and assumed mountain position. Breathe in. Breathe out.

We started out in sun salutation. Inhale. Lean back. Exhale-forward bend.

Thats when it happened.

I looked over to my right and instead of finding my Zen state, the ugly beast of competition reared its ugly head. Looking at another girl in class,I found myself comparing my abilities to hers.

Move into tree. Thoughts invade. Am I more balanced than her? “No, stop it”! I inwardly yell to myself. My logical mind knows that regardless of the answer to this question, I am no less or more worthy because of it.

With each chaturanga and downward dog, another monster materialzied. Pride. jealousy. anger. insecurity. contempt. There was an internal battle going on and no amount of  heart opening exercises or sweat would release these toxins.

Close your eyes. Breathe. Let go.

But, they continued to torment me.

At the end of the class, I was bummed that I had let these demons control my emotions in class. Did I still get something out of class? Most definitely. I even (almost) mastered the Crane 3 and binding. But, my emotional state was still tight.

Yoga is the place to let go.

How is it that you can be at peace one minute, then have your emotions go on a roller coaster the next? Is it just my out of whack estrogen levels or do you experience this too?

What tips do you have for me to release myself from these poisoning invaders to my soul?

  1. I am probably not the one to discuss the hormonal influence, I’m currently doing treatment for Endo. However, when I feel the darkness creeping in, I used to get all worked up, then I realized it was an Attack. In defense, I yell “I AM A CHILD OF GOD!” So marked as a child of God, Satan can have no hold on me…even when the darkness and doubt creep in, to that I must cling. It takes refreshing everyone’s minds to remind me where my focus needs to be. Sometimes yelling in my mind and heart is enough. Sometimes its better if I’m outside. 😉 Praying your Attack ends soon.

    • I totally agree Cathy, I just try and remember that we are made in His image. We all have our talents, and they are not the same. These little attacks are a deception and are there to steal our joy. Call it what it is! You are not alone in this, we all struggle at times. On the flip side, there will always be someone in the room looking up to you and what you are doing 🙂

  2. Thank you girl…you always have the best advice. You are so right on about the attack and declaring those truths is crucial..

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