Finding trust in hard circumstances
“Stoop-shouldered, foot dragging, sighing resignation is not trust.”
Have you ever lost something that you loved so much? The grief you experience and the questions you ask can be overwhelming and you find yourself defeated.
That was me yesterday. Drowning my sorrows in creme filled doughnuts.
For those of you that have been following my old blog or on Facebook, you know that I have an obsessive love relationship with running. You may also know that last fall while marathon training, I got a hip stress fracture that put me out for 10 weeks. I was delivered this news the day before the marathon.
Heartbroken, I decided to learn the lesson that I was obviously needing to be taught. So, I spent this time fasting from healthy living blogs, Facebook, etc. Instead, I put that energy into my relationship with God, myself, my family and those in need. I even traveled to Haiti where my life was forever changed.
So enter January 1. I started the New Year off right with a 3 mile early morning run with friends. My pace had slowed by two min per mile and it was very frustrating. But, instead of letting that defeat me, I was persistent. I was just so happy to be able to run again. I didnt want to take that ability for granted.
For the next 18 weeks, I trained and was a trainer for the Mini Marathon in May. I ran four times a week. I encouraged those just starting out. I was still slower than I was before and my running partner was faster. I found myself beginning to take running for granted and discouraged that I could no longer keep up.
The day before the Mini, I started to feel some slight twinges in my IT band. Stretching worked it out and all seemed to be fine. Surely, this wasn’t happening again. I pushed that out of my mind and set myself on a game plan. I originally planned on just enjoying the run and taking it all in, not really pushing myself.
But then I had an epiphany. I told my running partner that instead of being too cautious, I was going to give it all I had. Was that a go get em attitude or stubborn pride? I’m still not sure. My pace was 10:14 for the 13.1 miles and I was happy that I gave it all I had.
However, the next morning, I couldnt walk. And for the last six weeks, I havent been able to consistently run. I found myself yet again needing to learn a lesson.
At first, I wasnt sure how much to limit and what pain to tolerate. I know a lot of runners struggle with this. So, I kept up with bootcamp and other fitness classes with no running. When I did try running, I still had pain. I took a few weeks off from everything. Then, I did hot yoga and spinning classes for a while. Surely I was healed so I tried running again. Still pain. This was maddening.
However, instead of sulking in my bed and eating chips, I set a new goal. I would train for a triathlon. I decided to focus on what I could do. I had always wanted to learn to cycle and this seemed like the perfect opportunity. I emailed a friend of mine who is not currently using her bike and she offered to let me use her very expensive, awesome bike.
I have to say that I have found a new love in cycling. I feel like a kid again, watching the sun rise and feeling the wind in my face. Pedaling away, finding freedom on flat country roads.
Do I miss running? Of course! I can’t wait to get back out there and train for my full marathon and hopefully soon an ultra. But, in the end, if I hadnt been injured, I probably wouldnt have pursued cycling to the degree that I have.
So what is the moral of my story? With loss always comes gain.
Is there something in your life that you feel like you are losing? Maybe its a dream you’ve had, a career, a partner or even silly things like working out. If so, I encourage you to examine yourself. Look deep within and learn the lessons that you need to. You might just find that you don’t always know whats best for you or what will make you a whole person, fulfilled and ready to overflow that fullness to those around you.
And in the end, you might just find a new love.
“Real trust bounces on eager toes of anticipation-laughs wtih pure delight of knowing in whom it believes-rests easy knowing on whom it waits”